Men versus Women -
Surely the Y Chromosome is not the only reason why we are constantly at
war! - Some of the
differences between men and women
A spousal unit is cooking
eggs when its companion spousal unit walks into the house, comes into
the kitchen and starts shouting: "Careful. Careful! MORE BUTTER! TURN
THEM OVER! TURN THEM OVER! Butter...MORE BUTTER! Don't you see they're
going to burn? BE CAREFUL! TURN THEM OVER! HURRY! TURN THEM OVER NOW!
NOW! Careful! TOO MUCH BUTTER! IT'S GOING TO SPRAY! CAREFUL, you're
going to burn tourself! HEY! HEY! TOO MUCH BUTTER! NOT ENOUGH SALT! IT
NEEDS MORE SALT!" The spousal unit, completely exasperated, finally
shouts: "What's the matter with you? Why are you shouting at me like
that?" The companion spousal unit turns around and says very calmly
while leaving the kitchen: "Nothing. I just wanted to show you what
it's like when you're sitting next to me in the car..."
I never have quite figured
out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never
have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. And I never figured
out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. And
I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown
into a state of turmoil when it hears the words "I do."
One evening last week, my
wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up,
and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold
me." I said, " WHAT???" So she says the words that I and every husband
on the planet dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her
emotional needs as a woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I
finally realize that nothing was going to happen that night, so I went
The very next day, we went
shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her
while she tried on three different, very expensive outfits. She could
not decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.
She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to
which I say OK. And then we go to the jewelry department where she gets
a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you. She was so excited. She
must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't
think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis
bracelet because she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for
a loop when I told her that it was OK.
She was almost sexually
excited from all of this, and you should have seen her face when she
said, "I'm ready to go to the cash register." I could hardly contain
myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't feel like buying all
this stuff now." You should have seen her face. It went completely
blank. I then said, "Really, honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff
for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to
kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a
man." I figure that I won't be having sex again until some time after
the spring of 2010.
The Chain Letter
As opposed to normal chain
letters, this one costs nothing, and you can only win. Simply send this
e-mail to 9 of your best friends who are just as virile as you.
Then anaesthetize your
wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton (don't forget some
ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the
top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list,and
you will receive 823,542 women through the post. Statistically, among
those women, will be at least:
· 0.5 miss worlds
· 2.5 models
· 463 wild nymphos
· 3,234 good-looking nymphos
· 20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms
· 40,198 bi-sexual women
In total, that is 64,294
women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the
grumpy old bag
you posted off. And, best of all, your originalpackage is guaranteed
not to be one of those that come back to you.
DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN
One bloke for example who
sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original
bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in,
with the same old migraine attack, and the same accusatorial statement
on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been
living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with
his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter.)
While I am sending this
letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received
837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside
his ward are 452 more packages.
BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL
This is a unique opportunity
to achieve a totally satisfying sexlife.
No expensive meals out, no
lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women)
that you can screw her. No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no
unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement.
Do not hesitate: send this
letter today to 9 of your best friends.
PS Even when you have no
girlfriend, you can send it to your vacuum cleaner.
PPS This letter can also be
copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the
adventure that they may soon undertake.
(Must dash, the post has
The story of a mans life.
When I was 14, I hoped that
one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a
girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a
passionate girl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate
girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a
drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl
When I was 25 I found a very
stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never
got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed
a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an
exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one
thing to another, never settling on anything.She did mad impetuous
things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as
often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but
So I decided to find a girl
with some ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a
smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and
She was so ambitious that
she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am 40 now and am looking
for a girl with very big tits
42 THINGS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD
1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the
toilet UP when you are done.
2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include
something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried,
Beer, and Red.
3. Don't make him hold your purse in the street.
4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the
fine bars and colleges throughout the country, not all men are cretins
deserving your contempt.
5. shopping is not fascinating.
6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is
7. Unless the answer is yes.
8. In which case, can he videotape it?
9. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick
and/or tending the grill/BBQ
11. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
12. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble
(ie:Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with
roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their
infant when it walks for the first time.
13. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
14. He heard you the first time.
15. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection
around a little.
16. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really
want the answer to.
17. Of COURSE he wants another beer.
18. The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.
19. Dogs good. Cats bad.
20. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. 21.
If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit
22. "Fine." is not an acceptable way to end an argument.
23. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting
he stop for directions.
24. He was NOT looking at that other girl.
25. Well, okay... maybe a little.
26. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you've never
looked at another guy...
27. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man
you have ever met.
28. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
29. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look
30. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
31. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.
32. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow
33. Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it.
35. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looksfine/smellsfine,
Looksfine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to
wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
36. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than
you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better
looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating
any of these people, love the one you're with.
37. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them
38. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beergut/impossibly
thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
39. Don't hog the covers.
40. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until
the halftime show to act upon that...
41. He does not just want to be friends.
42. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the
sentence:"You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and
stay here having freaky circus sex all night?"
She is in the kitchen
preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.
He walks in.
She turns and says; "You've
got to make love to me - right now, this very moment."
His eyes light up and he
thinks, "This is my lucky day."
Not wanting to lose the
moment, he embraces her and then gives her his all -- right there, on
the kitchen table.
Afterwards she says,
"Thanks," and returns to the stove.
Puzzled at her casual
demeanor after such an unusual event, he asks; "What was that all
She explains; "The egg
E D U C A T I O N . C O U R S E S . F O R . W O M E
1. Silence, the Final
Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.
3. Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You Do Not Need New Shoes
4. Parties: Going Without New Outfits.
5. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until
After the Game.
6. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
7. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His.
8. Valuation: Just Because It s Not Important to You . . .
9. Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First.
10. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking.
11. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging.
12. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire.
13. Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share.
14. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.
15. Introduction to Parking.
16. Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space.
17. Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving the Towels on the Floor.
18. Water retention: Fact or Fat.
19. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter.
20. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption.
21. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People.
22. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.
23. PMT: Your Problem . . . Not His.
24. Dancing: Why Men Don t Like To.
25. Sex - It's For Married Couples Too.
26. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have.
27. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice.
28. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.
29. Ballet: For Women Only.
30. Oil and Petrol: You Car Needs Both.
31. Learning to Go in Public Toilets.
32. Learning to go to the Toilet in Pubs Without your Friends.
33. Do These Jeans Make My Bum Look Big? -Why Men Lie.
34. TV Remotes: For Men Only.
35. Sexy Lingerie For Any Occasion.
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
What's the difference
between pre-menstrual tension and B.S.E?
One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.
Why does the bride always
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and
How many men does it take to
open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it
If your wife keeps coming
out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
What is the difference
between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest
means of communication?
3) Tell a woman
What should you give a woman
who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
What's the difference
between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and A bitch sleeps with
everyone at the party except you.
Never Argue with a Woman
the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take
a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take
the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her
Along comes a Game Warden in
his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning,
Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she
replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at
any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have
to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched
you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
How to Shower Like A Woman:
Take off clothes and
place then in sectioned laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing
long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any
Look at your womanly
physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts
etc. Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth,
leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair
once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your
hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with
grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed
apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body
with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet
surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner. Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see
husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Shower Like A Man:
Take off clothes while
sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to
If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo'
Look at your manly physique
in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands
and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds
in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding
area. Wash your bum, leaving those
course bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on
floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire
willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open,
wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the
'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
ENGLISHWOMAN'S DIARY: Saturday 29th April 2012
Saw him in the evening and
he was acting really strangely. I went shopping in the afternoon with
the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that. The
bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter
to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go
somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just
didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed, and didn't seem to be paying
any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something
He dropped me back home and
I wondered if he was going to come in, he hesitated, but followed. I
asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half
shook his head and turned the television on.
After about 10 minutes of
silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him
and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh, and a sad
sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later he did,and I was
surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold,
and I started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had
found someone else...
I cried myself to
DIARY: Saturday 29th April 2006.
probably out of the World Cup, there go our chances then, gutted! Got a
YOU MAY NOT KNOW THAT MANY NON-LIVING THINGS HAVE A
GENDER. - FOR EXAMPLE ......
1. FREEZER BAGS:
THEY ARE MALE, BECAUSE THEY HOLD EVERYTHING IN, BUT YOU CAN SEE RIGHT
THEY ARE FEMALE, BECAUSE ONCE TURNED OFF, THEY TAKE AWHILE TO WARM THEM
UP AGAIN. THEY'RE AN EFFECTIVE REPRODUCTIVE DEVICE IF THE RIGHT BUTTONS
ARE PUSHED, BUT CAN WREAK HAVOC IF THE WRONG BUTTONS ARE PUSHED.
THEY ARE MALE, BECAUSE THEY GO BALD AND ARE OFTEN OVER-INFLATED.
4. HOT AIR BALLOON:
MALE, BECAUSE TO GET IT TO GO ANYWHERE, YOU HAVE TO LIGHT A FIRE UNDER
IT, AND OF COURSE, THERE'S THE HOT AIR PART.
FEMALE BECAUSE THEY'RE SOFT, SQUEEZABLE AND RETAIN WATER.
6. WEB PAGE:
FEMALE, BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS GETTING HIT ON.
MALE, BECAUSE IT USES THE SAME OLD LINES TO PICK PEOPLE UP.
FEMALE, BECAUSE OVER TIME, THE WEIGHT SHIFTS TO THE BOTTOM.
MALE, BECAUSE IT HASN'T CHANGED MUCH OVER THE LAST 500 YEARS BUT IT'S
HANDY TO HAVE AROUND.
10. REMOTE CONTROL:
......FEMALE - HA! YOU THOUGHT IT'D BE MALE BUT CONSIDER THIS - IT
GIVES A MAN PLEASURE, HE'D BE LOST WITHOUT IT, AND WHILE HE DOESN'T
ALWAYS KNOW THE RIGHT BUTTONS TO PUSH, HE KEEPS TRYING.
INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD
1: Under no circumstances
may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under
the following circumstances:
When a heroic dog dies to save its master.b. The moment Angelina Jolie
starts unbuttoning her blouse.c. After wrecking your boss' car.d. One
hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".e. When she is
using her teeth.
3: Any Man who
brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and
eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he
murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've
known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about
the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall
ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In
fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
8: On a road
trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never
ask who's playing.
10: You may
flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her
to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the
purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
11: It is
permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a
topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in
situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
kick another guy in the nuts.
you're in prison, never fight naked.
don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's
fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't
16: Women who
claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies
until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability
to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the
company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.
hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you
compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
20: Never join
your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that
may NOT be uttered to another man while
lifting weights: a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! b.
C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit
22: Never talk
to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (i.e.
both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.) For all
other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.
23: Never allow
a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you
are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning
after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird
and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again
before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25: It is
acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for
her to drive yours.
26: Thou shall
not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange
or sky blue.
27: The girl who
replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with
"If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End
28: There is no
reason for guys to watch ice skating or men's gymnastics.
Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But
do you really know the difference between them? In an effort
to keep you
the definition of each is listed below.
- is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask,
you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late
after a night out with the guys smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife
the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
We hope this clears up any confusion. ICOM - (International
Council of Manhood.)
The Hormone Hostage knows
that there are days in the month when all a
man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his
hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a
in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, friend, colleague,
neighbour or significant other!
DANGEROUS: What's for
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What are you so
worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my wallet.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate
DANGEROUS: What did you do
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.
13 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
And my favourite
13. Potential Murder
The difference between men and women:
A man is driving up a
steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down
the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window
and yells: *PIG*!!
immediately leans out his window and replies with "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner
slams straight into a pig in the middle of the road.
TO MY DEAR WIFE:
During the past year I have
tried to make love to you 365 times. I have
succeeded 36 times,which is an average of once every ten days. The
is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did
succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because 6 times
you just layed there, 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the
times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to
wake you and
tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a
little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get
more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk
and tried to f**k the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get
together the reason I laid still was because you missed
and were f**king the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the
I said was ,"Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you
me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
to everyone who sent in a "funny"
- The Drudge Report
- Home - Next
has many enemies. The worst of them are ignorance, arrogance,
extremism, and violence" - Abbas Kadhim